It's 2024. Here are Johnathan Walkersome predictions:

• The grocery market will collapse after incoming President Winfrey (never doubt the power of write-in votes!) declares, "You get Ozempic! You get Ozempic!"
• ChatGPT will be revealed as infinite monkeys with typewriters. Or maybe three kids in a trench coat?
• Climate change will definitely NOT be exacerbated by fossil fuels. (This message brought to you by Sultan al-Jaber.)
• You're going to write "2023" on your checks for months. LOL! What's a check?
• If you pay attention, you'll get at least one 11/11 on the quiz.